My first day in New York City early January 2016 I have seen the release of the videoclip “Out Of The Woods”, a single by Taylor Swift. I am not a fan of the singer, but this song of hers came at the right time at the right place to my attention. The videoclip resonated deeply with me; I had just left politics and although I had never felt so free - after almost 6 years leaving behind a world steeped in fear - I knew I was not out of difficulty yet. I was not out of the woods yet, so to speak.

It has taken me more than 6 years, to be exact till last Monday April 25th, to really feel out of the woods and in the clear. Forever I will be grateful for what has helped me to get to this point: Allah and my Deen, Islam. Since December last year, as I have shared in my previous blog, I have started to starve my distractions and feed my focus by turning inwardly to (re)connect with my self, my spirit and what I love to call Allah - also known as God. The holy month of fasting, Ramadan, has accelerated this process: starting on April 2nd, the Night of Power on April 27th called Laylat Al-Qadr - the night the Qur’an was revealed to prophet Muhammed ﷺ - and closing upcoming May 2nd.

This past month of Ramadan Kareem - the blessed or generous - I have spent my days fasting and praying - yes, five times a day combining meditation, yoga-like postures and reciting from the Qur’an to open up my heart and surrender (more) to life, to Allah. I have never felt before the feeling of love running in my heart, body and mind so strongly, and the feeling is still growing every single time I pray.

This holy month also seems to have a cleansing effect. In these last 10 days of Ramadan, my political party D66 has finally been exposed to the fact that politics is fuelled by fear, with a culture of power hunger as an engine and a severe lack of human connection as a destination. After a few nights of restless sleep after the so-called worst press conference ever in recent Dutch history by political leader Sigrid Kaag on Thursday April 21st, and although I have written these past years many blogs in both Dutch and English about the change we desperately need in politics - From Debate To Dialogue - I decided to speak to the research journalists who have exposed the culture of fear in politics, to begin within my political party D66.

On Monday morning April 25th we had a 2,5 hours conversation, and it felt like the fear I had felt in the political arena from 2010 till 2016 was fully present in my whole body that particular morning; I felt shaky, cold and tense. I felt also a lot of anger, especially when the journalists told me that the nonsense that was written and said about me in 2016 when I left, was initiated by my own political leader, Alexander Pechtold, his inner circle and tactically supported by my own political party to deliberately harm my good reputation. People I had served for 6 years as a loyal Member of Parliament and even when I left continued to serve by not sharing the reason why I left politics to protect them: their failed fear-based leadership.

All this time when I chose to stay quiet and not expose their failure - and the collective failure of fear-based politics in general - I realise only now how those people in power took advantage of the situation by initiating and engaging in character assassination. This is power politics at all costs. Upcoming Saturday I’m giving an online seminar about personal growth to more than 1.000 people around the world, in which we will focus also on forgiveness. I guess I will need that exercise more than any of my attendees.

When the two journalists left last Monday, I had to dive back into the past searching for emails and documents as evidence to my sharing and send them to the journalists, so they can back up their research results. Once everything was sent, I closed my laptop and I realised: I am finally out of the woods. What I didn’t realise in that moment was that out of the woods only means a new beginning.

Happy being in the clear now, I am experiencing what many people would label a detox. Some people see the month of Ramadan Kareem and its fasting as a detox - cleansing the body. I have never had a detox before and till last Monday I hadn’t experienced fasting that way, but now I do. I’m in a process in which my body is trying to get rid of toxic or unhealthy substances. Apparently the 6 years in politics consuming the fuel of fear has left its marks and it was stored in places in my body I wasn’t even aware of.

No, I have never been a victim of me-too-behaviour or whatsoever, and I will never feel I am a victim because I refuse to give my power away, no matter what. I do believe that me-too-behaviour and other disgusting power play such as racism and discrimination are all symptoms of a thriving culture of fear, in which people with power feel like they can get away with anything and victims can not speak up, because of power politics.

The good news is, no matter how fast the lie goes the truth will someday overtake it. No matter how challenging the detox feels right now, I know that with every prayer I am healing, because I am not alone in this journey called life and that I am loved - by my loved ones and by Allah. As Taylor Swift would sing: “I am out of the woods, and I am in the clear yet, good”.

Leave me a message in the comment section below, I'd love to hear from you. If you are curious to explore your spirituality and if you want to learn more about the insights and wisdom I’ve discovered so far in Islam and its timeless message of love, mercy, peace, freedom, justice and unity, click here.

- W.