Dialogue Is Not For The Faint-Hearted

The most common misunderstanding of what dialogue means, is that it’s a soft way of communication. Many people believe it’s about making an effort to be kind, show empathy, feel sympathy for others, prevent conflicts and therefore it positively boosts the perception that others have of you. You might even think dialogue is not a very unusual way of communicating for you, but a safe and familiar way. I’d say: you couldn’t be more wrong.

I say this in all modesty and moreover, what I am about to share are my own insights derived from the personal development journey I am still in: understanding my passion dialogue on a deeper level - through Islam, spirituality and science. Qualities such as kindness, empathy, sympathy and harmony, are merely examples of consequences of dialogue, not causes. Additionally, a dialogue can only emerge when there is (at least one) self dialogue. I’d say: the quality of the connection you have within yourself, determines how you connect with others.

My earliest memory of a powerful self dialogue with a powerful dialogue as a result, goes back to my childhood when I was like 3 years old. My mother has confirmed this memory, she was there with me. She even told me that it wasn’t just a one time experience that I happen to remember, but - as she puts it into words - “it was just who you are.”

I remember sitting in a stroller in a bus and I was talking all by myself, feeling “in great company inside myself” - this may sound crazy but I don’t know (yet) how to express it better. I was simply not alone. The funny thing was, I was fully aware of being perceived on the outside as an individual, but on the inside I simply wasn’t. Again, as I said, I was in great company. I even had conversations, out loud. At some point “we” started to sing. A lady came up to me, kneeled down and she just looked at me in the eyes as if we knew each other. We started laughing together and then she stood up, said to my mother she had a special girl and she left.

A powerful self dialogue, means to me: being in that great company - inside of you and you are fully aware of it. In Islam this is known as the fitra or primordial goodness that exists at the core of all human beings. It is the next level of, what I call as a coach in personal development, knowing yourself or self awareness. Once self dialogue, this inner connection - “being in great company within you” - is established, only then are you ready for dialogue. Every human being you connect with from this place of self dialogue, is affected by it. Why? Muslims believe all humans to be born in fitra - which they also explain as the ability to choose or reject God’s guidance. A dialogue emerges. When a dialogue emerges kindness, empathy, sympathy, harmony and other beautiful qualities appear, grow and flourish effortlessly as consequences.

My self dialogue is by far not nearly as powerful as it was when I was sitting in that stroller, but I am experiencing progress, slowly but surely. In this season of my personal development journey I am learning to read, write and up-level my speaking in standard Arabic. For many reasons, but one of them is to be able to discover the Qur’an in its original Arabic. A few months in now, I am experiencing more and more sensitivity of what weakens my self dialogue - for example, some of the relationships in my life. (Self) Dialogue is not for the faint-hearted. It reveals in brutal honesty if you are truly “just who you are”. For most of us dialogue is an extreme or very unusual way of connecting with ourselves and others, and is not suitable for people who like only safe and familiar things.

Although I am very much still a humble student, I do feel like sharing my insights so far. That’s why I have created Messenger of Dialogue - a 1 session of 1 hour online personal coaching with me where I combine my new insights with my-over-6-years-proven-tools-for-powerful-transformation in your personal growth. You can sign up directly and easily for one or as many sessions you wish, click here for more info.

Questions or whatsoever? Leave me a message in the comment section below or send me an email, I'd love to hear from you.

- W.