...self-confidence.

Take a moment and think about the following two questions I have for you: why might you want to feel more confident? Why might you want to appear more confident?

These questions may help you to discover what's really behind this longing to feel and appear confident. It is probably fear. As a (life) coach for more than 4 years now, I can share that most people who dive into the topic of self-confidence realise that the world is changing and that the skills that have brought them where they are now, will not bring them to where they need to be next. The fear of not being able to keep up and to be relevant is what's driving their longing to feel and appear more confident. Do you want to overcome your fear and build confidence?

Let's start with some clarity. Clarity about your skills and what skills the changing world around you is asking from you. Two words, let's start with leadership. We are all leaders simply because we have lives to live. And the changing world we live in requires us to review leadership, as we have known it for decades, and to let go of the notion that a leader creates followers. A true leader creates leaders. And this brings me to the second word: authenticity. The definition is: not false or copied, genuine and real. And, my favorite definition: representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself. If we combine the two words you have a powerful summary for your new skills to embrace and cultivate: authentic leadership.

Authentic leadership means that both masculine qualities - such as decisiveness - and feminine qualities - such as giving others the opportunity to shine - are of equal importance. So this is not the same as gender, although in life we see that most women are easily owning the feminine skills and men the masculine ones. There are also men with a natural talent in feminine skills and women who feel masculine skills are their second nature. The good news is every human being has both feminine and masculine qualities and is able to harness both types of skills.

How you could assess if you have a balance in both skillsets - masculine and feminine - is when you are, for example, comfortable at making decisions in tough situations, powerful at convincing others to support your opinion and having a clear vision. At the same time, you are also very good at listening, your team members come to you to share any (personal) issue because they trust you and you are comfortable to be vulnerable because you know the power of sharing it.

For decades our society and systems have celebrated masculine skills as powerful leadership. So most of us - men (!) and women - need to focus more on our feminine skills. First thing you can start with to develop your feminine skills is making it a priority to become a great listener. Try not to feel the need to say anything when someone shares, and be open to receive and create tremendous space for the other to feel free and open up to you. A great place to start to move towards the transformation of your fear into self-confidence.

How are your skills? Do you perceive yourself as a strong - both masculine and feminine - leader? Leave me a message in the comment section below, I’d love to hear from you.

- W.